bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
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I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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