Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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