Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
