Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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