We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
