he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
