Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.