I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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