She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.