Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
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if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
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Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!