Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you

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(678): Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you http://tfl.nu/rkl4

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(850): View more from Florida

At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.

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(850): At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me. http://tfl.nu/6dky

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(803): View more from South Carolina

just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car

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(803): just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car http://tfl.nu/l192

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(510): View more from California

well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it

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(510): well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it http://tfl.nu/l3dc

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.

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(763): Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking. http://tfl.nu/53g7

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(949): View more from California

Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.

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(949): Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you. http://tfl.nu/q3ie

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.

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(617): Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home. http://tfl.nu/hrqw

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(440): View more from Ohio

when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine

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(440): when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine http://tfl.nu/xy6d

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(213): View more from California

Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.

(201): View more from New Jersey

... and if i was..

(213): View more from California

Fuck. You.

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(213): Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten. (201): ... and if i was.. (213): Fuck. You. http://tfl.nu/ty6i

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(813): View more from Florida

So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.

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(813): So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/qno1

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(815): View more from Illinois

Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?

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(815): Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure? http://tfl.nu/5vd2

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(480): View more from Arizona

Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.

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(480): Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now. http://tfl.nu/9q96

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(415): View more from California

Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.

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(415): Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week. http://tfl.nu/dhvq

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(309): View more from Illinois

WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!

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(309): WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?! http://tfl.nu/237p

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(509): View more from Washington

In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...

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(509): In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched... http://tfl.nu/ted8

Replies (2) Good night (303) Bad night (214)

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