When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.