I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
