I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
