dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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