Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
