Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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