Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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