So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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