apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
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you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
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She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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