I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
