i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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