RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
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You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
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I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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