I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
