I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
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If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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