Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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