You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
