I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
