I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize