tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
no you cant smoke seaweed
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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