You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
