Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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