How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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