the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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