I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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