If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
