Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
