DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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