It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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