why didn't you poke me back
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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