i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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