So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
