she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
