Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Randomize
