I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
