is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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