I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
