I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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