man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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