You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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