You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
