So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
