Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
