there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
