cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
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I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
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I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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