Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
