So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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