I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
