i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
