I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
