____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
