the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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