i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
