come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's official drugs can't kill me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
