You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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