who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
