So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
