Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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