When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
